So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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