like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
