I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
