insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
