I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
