I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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