Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
