I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
