we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
