I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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