Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
