It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
