the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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