sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
