not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if only i could text you this smell
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
