Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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