There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
