Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
