Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
