It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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