How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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