No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
