I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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