i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
