Cold hands, warm shart.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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