i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
