rhymes with "ouble enetration"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize