I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
