girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
