You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
