i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
