apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
