I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
