Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize