this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
