I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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