Someone shit on the floor
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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