Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize