It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
