soooo we both peed the bed last night...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
