I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
