The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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