It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Rumble strips road head = magical
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
