i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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