Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
