I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
