How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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