I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
