You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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