Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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