She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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