i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
