I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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