We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
is wine microwaveable?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
