This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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