i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i came on her dog
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
