Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
