My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
