i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
