i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
