i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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