My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
