Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
