Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
