I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
