Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
