you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
