My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
