i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
nutella sex= disaster
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize